Tuesday, June 28, 2005
It's gonna be a K.C. Masterpiece
After smearing the competition there, we'll be headed to Washington, D.C. on July 23rd for the World Championship!!!!
Stay tuned for more info as we load up the Wheeler R.V. and drive south!
Go to
http://www.worldkickball.com/kickballtoday/
for the full regional tournament lineup.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
THE WIENER! AND STILL CHAMPION!
We Won! We Won! We won it all!
Say hello to the IL Deep Dish Division's #1 Champions.....RUSTY'S WRANGLERS!!
AND YOU KNOW 'DIS!!!
More to come with the scoop on the big win over James Brown Celebrity Hot Tub Party, who apparently had some trouble getting their jets going for the big tournament....if you know what I mean!!
I wish that I could accurately portray the excitement---nay, hysteria---in room 1057 of the Catamaran Resort in San Diego, California on Saturday at approximately 1:16pm local time when we got the text message from Cassie: "Wranglers are champs." Dave actually fainted. Duff squealed with delight. Brad wet his pants. And I said "Come on, people, pull yourselves together! It's just kickball!" Just kidding--- I freaked out!!!
We ran out to the beach where fellow Wranglers Tatie & Kim Whalebone were basking in the warm San Diego sun, and where we proceeded to celebrate further our Wrangler victory and tell pretty much everyone on the beach that we were Kansas City-bound!!! How sweet it is!! It's like SUGAR, baby! And guess what, one of our friends at the wedding lives in Kansas City so she's totally going to come and cheer for us. We will have fans!!
I feel as though the last 7 years of dedication to rec league sports as variant as soccer, volleyball, softball, football, and cornhole have finally borne fruit! My first championship ever!! I am bursting with pride. And I owe it all to you, Wranglers. I am so pumped for Kansas City and can't wait to kick a little regional heiney. We are peaking at just the right moment, Wranglers. We can't be stopped.
Congrats to all the Wranglers! You make Mama so proud!
Now it's on to Kansas City....where it ain't gonna be pretty.... for the regional WAKA tournament.
Before the championship game. Can you feel the excitement??!!
Our nemesis: James Brown Celebrity Hot Tub Party. They stink!
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Welcome to the Rusty-Dome!!!
To set the stage, we must comment, applaud, and give props to the fine fashions that were "White Trash Prom." Jorts, hickeys, glitter, big hoop earrings, movie-themed ties, and of course, a solid mullet made Saturday's games even more trash-tastic.
So at 12:55, we were a little nervous since there were only four Wranglers in the corral, but it was cool, since we didn't have a ref, and the friends from Ferocious luckily had all the equipment we needed (or at least, they went and stole some from the other game...whatever).
The original sweatpant-wearing Joy's boyfriend #1 came in, chain-smoking, to ref our game. I knew then that we were going to win. Another good sign? We got to call fair and square all 1st and 3rd base issues. FUN FACT: Did you know that Mr. No Backsies himself gets paid by WAKA to ref our games? Where was his hungover ass when we could have used him? It would have made our game's highlight even better.
Sadly, I don't recall great details of the game. Balls were kicked, balls were caught. Balls were kicked, balls were caught. It was hotter than a mother, and the glitter was starting to run...the hickeys stood strong.
So we've got two runs, they've got none. Dan Martin pitches like it's his job, and he's getting paid by WAKA. Who scored? Couldn't tell you. Blame it on the heat, blame it on the rain, blame it on all the Miller Lites I had to drink last night to have fun. At one point, we were so impressed with Chevy's action behind the plate that we all agreed that even the missing Rick Brands would have been impressed with his performance.
Remember when we used to think that Ferocious was trying to psyche us out with the jumping jacks? We were wrong, we were dead wrong. We made some new friends on the kickball field yesterday. Why? Two words: NO BACKSIES.
So the Karate Kid-looking guy on Ferocious won many style points with us for doing the Danny Larusso sweep the leg stance before batting. There was potential for Ferocious to get some cats on base, but poor Danny Larusso fell victim to the very contagious, very lethal, very black and white disease of extra bases on an overthrow.
I think it can be said that the highlight of the season may have been every Wrangler shouting in unison "NO BACKSIES!!!!!!!" Swett had a voice heard round the world, Dooley even chimed in with "We've even got it on a coozie." After letting my boyfriend know that we had gotten burned by the No Backsies rule in the past, even our Ferocious friends conceded that there were, in fact, no backsies.
So then it was over, the game was ours, Wranglers were victorious, and Lubbers busted out the PBR, ASAP.
The dumb blog-hating yellow team was still playing, and we were still cooking. Smart Wranglers that we are, we re-hydrated and re-lotioned. It was a scorcher. Hickeys...still strong. Ferocious turned tame, because they so graciously shared their orange slices and granola bars with us so we could fuel up to kick some 3:00 ass. We bartered back a beer or two for the big guy from Ferocious who totally agreed with the No Backsies call.
So James Brown's illegitimate children of WAKA finished their game, and because Dooley and I were on a tight bachelorette party schedule, when the ref came over to ask us to change fields (which we didn't want to do, it was a mental battle that we would end up losing), we said we'd move if we could start earlier than 3:00. I personally think they were trying to psyche us out, letting us cook while they sat back in their large village of yellow-shirted idiots. But in the end, it all came out in the wash.
What can be said about the championship game? Swetty degraded himself by sliding into home plate, something that he swore he would never do. Tone the Bone triple dog dared him to slide after a very valiant effort of Tone the Bone trying to get to first, but ending up on his ass. Dirty birdy.
Again, balls were kicked, balls were caught. Balls were kicked, balls were caught. Dan Martin worked his overtime magic to ensure a victory for the Wranglers. The never-ending question of "Who's got it?" from Dooley rang out far and wide. Fortunately, someone always answered, except for that really bad foul ball. Dooley says if Josh would have had an extra bowl of Wheaties, he may have made his millionth rock-star catch of the season.
One of James Brown's children got wounded trying to stop a Wrangler from getting to first, and he ended up bleeding. Lubbers made sure that guy got off the field, because he didn't want to get the hiv.
Solid, solid props to the peeps who came out to Wranglerville to ensure that the magic happened: Doug, Robin, Chevy, and Pat (who even had to change t-shirts, since the stupid ass yellow team didn't want him to distract) were great late-season additions who brought the noise and the funk.
I think we rained on James Brown's parade, and since they were so f@#*-ing serious about this whole deal, it was a little bit sweeter when victory was ours. Who knows what would have happened if we really had played Globetrotter style?
Again, Wranglers, totally worth the $74.
Love you, Mean it!
Joyjoy (with a sidecar of Dooley)
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Playoffs, Round 1: It's In You. Yes, I'm Sure Of It This Time.
Round 1, Illinois Deep Dish Division Playoffs:
(From Cap'n T-Dizzy)
It started off innocent enough: orange & blue face paint, socks pulled up to our knees, shades, headbands, wristbands, pregnant bellies, and a guy with a penis tip on his head. Here's a snippet from the pre-game captains' pow-wow:
Is It In You's team captain: "What's your theme today?"
Dave & Tara (in unison with deadpan delivery); "Pregnant Kickball Nazis."
other team's captain (with uneasy look on her face): "Oh."
Yeah, 'oh' is right, you dirty blondie pigtail girl. I'll show you some 'oh' that'll put hair back on your head!!
So let the games begin....We started off with a bang! We held them to nuthin' in the top of the 1st, including a stupendous "mind the baby" catch by pitcher Courtney "Bigfoot" Reid. Pregnancy was no obstacle for CoCo as she just shifted that belly to the side to make the grab. We scored 2 that inning with some heads-up kicking and running by the top of the order. nice work, gang!
The second inning was fast and scoreless, although they did try to get up in our shizzy about Rick "Watch me catch yo ass" Brands' big-time catcher performance and claim that he was not allowed to move until the ball was kicked. But fortunately I was hip to their WAKA jive and I socked it to 'em legal-style with a quote from section 3, item 4.1 of the official WAKA rulebook. Who's in you now, Is It In You??
Alas, in the 3rd they scored 2 to tie the game and we came up with nada in our half of the inning. A highlight of this time-frame, however, was when Josh went Rowdy Roddy Piper on that guy running for home on a foul ball. He beaned the baloney out of that guy! OUCH!! While there was some confusion about whether the ref was going to call the ball foul or not, it turns out that IIIY base-runner-guy was just being a silly pants and decided to keep running just for laughs. But Josh "Hardcore" McKnight was having none of it as he charged to the plate and showed that terd who was boss. Nice work, Josh! I always love to see a little hustle and muscle out there. No one can ever say you don't give it your all.
But now it's tied and we're all a little nervous. We put up great D, though, and got those suckers out without much trouble. Particular props to the Tone the Bone and T-Dizzy combo platter play on the volleyball set over 2nd base that landed right into the loving arms of Tone to score a big fat OUT for the other team. R. Brands was also big money again this inning with more of his mad skillz from behind home plate. How 'bout that double play? They didn't know what hit 'em!
Well, we were held scoreless in the bottom of the 4th, so we headed into the 5th still in a tie. They scored 1 off some minor bungles in the Wrangler infield, and things got a little tense. But we held them to just 1 and came up to bat with a mission to accomplish: 2 runs or bust. 2 runs or humiliation. 2 runs or "somebody's got doo-doo on their face." 2 runs or "I can never look you in the eye again, Wranglers, because clearly I didn't give it my all and you're really disappointed in me." 2 runs or "I might as well just move back in with my parents and change my name to Steve Bartman because I can't believe we just lost to this bunch of Tall-Socks Yahoos who at least were more fun and attractive than the rest of this league of band camp rejects who cling to kickball because that's all they've got."
Well, Tone started us off with a K.Whalen "Bunt Cake" special, and it really is true what Mark Frasier always says: "Real Men Do Bunt." A bunt never had so much/many cajones as Tone bolted down to 1st base at lightning speed. Then I was up, and I don't really want to talk about it, but let's just say that now there were 2 outs. Then Lubbers was up, and I don't know about you, but my heart was pounding. Sweat beaded up on my orange & blue painted face. My hands were cold and clammy, and I could feel the baby kicking like crazy in my tummy!
First pitch: Lubbers bangs it foul. Fortunately, it's uncatchable. Something wet and yellowish trickles down Matty's inner thigh. The heat is on. Second pitch: He nails it, a big honking fly ball out to left field where the wee girl that only moments ago Lubbers was drooling over stands like a deer, no---a possum, in the headlights. She looks terrified. And she should be. It drops and bounces over her head. Chaos ensues. Tone the Bone screams around the bases, easily scoring while the outfielders fumble to get the ball in to the pitcher. The whole Wrangler bench is staring dropped-jaw out at the field because we have never seen Lub-a-Dub-Dub hustle like this before. But there he goes, he's rounding 3rd. The ball is coming in up the 3rd base line. The 3rd basemen is in hot pursuit of a better angle on Lubs as he makes the mad dash for home. He goes to throw it, Lubbers ducks, stumbles, falls face first onto home plate in what appears to the average fan's eyes to be an artful slide, and WRANGLERS WIN!!! WRANGLERS WIN!!
Ah, the sweet taste of victory. It doesn't get much better than this.
This is Captain T-Dizzy signing off. You stay classy, Wranglers.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Week 8: Burninators get BURNED
The Theme was "Beach Party", yet Mother Nature saw it a different way - "One Night in London" (cold and rainy). But rather than pack up their beach balls and cabana wear and head home in tears, Rusty's crew of Wranglers grabbed some fresh layers and dug into the sand like a 4 year old making a sand castle for battle as "Kokomo" blared on the beach boom box in the background. The opponent (besides Mother Nature), was the Burninators.
"Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you."
A few of the Burnsees even attempted to thwart the Wrangler spirit by arriving in costume. That costume consisted of a wig and some "alternate" colored clothing. Oooooo…..
"Bermuda, bahama come on pretty mama"
Well nothing...not the mud, the rain, the cold, the Burnsees and their rule book…nothing could thwart the Wrangler spirit on the way to a 13-5 victory.
"Key largo, montego baby why don’t we go"
Keyed by the Mullet Man, Ryan Swett, who was actually mullett-less (apparently they don't do well at the beach), The Wranglers managed to turn a tight 4-4 game into a laugher in the 4th inning when they put up an impressive 8 run rally all with 2 outs.
"Ooo I wanna take you down to kokomo"
Swett, who had already homered in the game, came up to bat with a runner on first.
"We’ll get there fast and then we’ll take it slow"
After a vicious foul ball, the Bunrsees gave the "walk" sign. Well, full mullettude then ensued as Swett literally refused to get intentionally walked.
"That’s where we wanna go"
He took the pitch from way outside, stayed behind the plate, and sent a rocket would go for a home run.
"Way down to kokomo"
Personally speaking, that's where I end my memory of last week's game. I remember hearing rumors about a huge melee that ensued as the Burnsees cried foul! And whined that Swett's move was against the revised rule 4.3.1 or some crap. I remember something about our fearless Cap, T-Dizzy, then standing up to defend the Wranglers only to be challenged to a duel by a puffed-up Kid Rock wannabe in a roid rage. Sensing the danger, Dulci "Black Dog" Dix broke free and ran out onto the diamond. She took her frustrations out on the kickball sending it to an early grave with a resounding POP! I think I remember something like that happening.
I for sure remember the Wrangler farm system stepping up as two rooks made huge impacts...Hammerin' Dave Smith (1-1, 3-R HR) and Alex "Bo Duke played by Jon" Schneider. "Bo" rose above a mean Cubs-induced buzz and poor footwear to hit a huge 3 run double with the bases loaded after Swett was intentionally walked and Cas then took first. (for once the rules worked for us).
I remember the stellar pitching by Josh McKnight who got the win and Dave "OZ" Osbourne who fought off a few rounds of shots to earn the save after McKnight left with a strained hammy.
For more on the game, I'll go over to special correspondent Joy "Da Smack" Hayes with a special report...
Greetings pals and gals,
I don't know if I really need to reiterate the madness that was last night's game against the F@#$itators. I do know that the turning point in that game can be defined in a meshing of intentional walking and the appearance of your friend and mine, Captain Tallsocks.
The fact that Captain Tallsocks showed up on the WAKA fields sober was an unsettling one, given the fact that Dooley and I chose this fateful evening to bust out the Corona Lights. More unsettling was his apparent memorization of all things WAKA, including rules on when and where Swetty McMullet can pound the everloving poop out of a ball. I don't know who's more abusive on the official WAKA kickball: Swett or Dulcie.
Captain Tallsocks was pretty adamant about the rules, even though mysteriously, as brought up by an astute associate, we already have played his team. Is he trying to break our stride? Is he trying to hold us down? Oh no...we've got to keep on moving. Either he's trying to eliminate our excellence from his future, or he's been reading Rusty's blog and knows I've been mocking him...if so, Welcome back, Captain Tallsocks!
So he and Katie totally broke up after his recitation of the rulebook, and I was going to pick up Katie's sloppy seconds (ain't my style), but I got distracted by our utter domination, also known as "Put that in your pipe and smoke it."
Fast forward to the Rail, where our friend Captain Tallsocks appears in the finest fashion I've seen this side of the Atlantic: tank top, shorts, and of course, tall socks. This day will live in infamy as the day unanimously decided as "Tallsocks for Boss Hogg president". I don't get it, I just don't get it, and I don't like it.
It kind of made me miss my boyfriend from way back at the beginning of the season who wore the sweet sweatpants (where has HE been all my life?). Fortunately, there's a new sheriff on the horizon: the complete dillhole from the F@#$itators who Cassie wanted to "kick in the jimmy", who reminded me of the bad guy in the Karate Kid movie (excellently played by Billy Zabka), who mysteriously also was working the tank top....did anyone else play in the rain yesterday, or was that just us? I wanted to give him a nickname like "Kickball Maverick" or "Kickball Iceman" since he reminded me of those sweaty volleyball players in Top Gun with the tank top and jeans, but I was shot down by Dana, Dooley and Katie. Dooley said we should call him the "Bicep Bouncer" after he so dickishly took over the mound and popped the ball off his biceps, but that didn't sing with me. Since he reminded me that I payed $74 to play in this league, I have to tell you guys that it has been worth every penny. In fact, yesterday's game was worth $37 at least. So to me, he's going to be Dick 74....man, I hope we play them again. If for no other reason than Swett's got a new number one fan, the guy who gushed on and on about how much he rocks....has he even seen you play WITH the mullet?
Well, as Forrest said, that's all I've got to say about that....
Thanks Joy. I'm sure I'm leaving out or missing a lot of other action, but above everything, I remember the Wrangler fortitude in the face of adversity. And that's what we need to take with us for tonight's game. We're embarking on a journey that is known as the WAKA playoffs. The kicks will be harder, the action more intense (and I'm sure the rules more enforced). Through all that crap, let's just remember to do it Wrangler style. I for one can't wait to see pregnant kickball nazis out there. Good times…good times.
Oh, and a special congratulations to Brad and Duff Simmons on the announcement that they're expecting a lil' wrangler in December.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Week 7: Kicktators Get Blown Out Like Candles
Every birthday needs a clown. This one just happens to be scary and ornery.
Katie cheats at Twister by pushing the smaller and more helpless Tara to the ground. shameless.
Recap
We won! We won! Rejoice! Rejoice! And again I say: REJOICE!Well, I can't really think of a better birthday present for Dooley Bops than a kickass kickball party
with a big fat W on top!! We did it for Dooley this week and we came up big. Not up quite as far
as that clown costume was riding Lubbers, but pretty darn far, I'd say.And to think, that nice tender clown didn't even accept the $100 fee owed to him for donning that
suit. What a peach that Matthew "Nut-Hugger" Lubbers is! I mean, seriously, he really should
entertain at children's parties because I think he would be just wonderful and loving and I'm sure
he wouldn't even say the F word very much.And speaking of kindness to children, I must say I have never been so proud of the Wranglers
as when we kicked off the "Wranglers Give Back to the Community Campaign" last night, handing
out balloons and candy to unsuspecting youngsters on the playground. I thought it was really nice
of Eileen to give those toddlers the oversized jaw breakers, and Dana really pitched in by showing
the wee ones how to suck helium from a balloon. And nary a one of those young lambs picking up
on the whole Stranger Danger in full effect. I guess it's true what they say: Kids are dumb.
Just kidding! They were all (mostly) with their parents and we asked the parents first if it was OK!!
But the little ones were surely jealous of Dooley and her pretty pretty party dress and pigtails.
Last night they all went to bed dreaming that someday they could have such a glorious party,
complete with Disney party hats, balloons, and a terribly scary looking clown.But, now, let's go to Tim who's coming to us live via satellite from the Home Office on Roscoe
Street with the big awards for the week. Tim, over to you:---------------------------------------------------The score was 2-1, so it's safe to say that runs were hard to come by last night. Hence, the Rusty
this week goes to Beth the Runner, played by Joy "Da Smack" Hayes and The Coach, played by
Dave "The O.Z." Osborne. In this wrangler version of an after-school special, Beth the Runner
was a girl down on her luck after losing a heated game of Twister at her friend Dooley's birthday
bash. She was also offered drugs by a sleazy and dirty adult clown who was at the party. Enter
Coach, who manages to pick up her spirits and restore her faith in mankind through various
calisthenics (mostly burpies) and games of badminton. The special ends with the big game. Beth
the Runner has made her way to third after executing a bunt so perfect that even Bunt-Cake
herself Katie Wheels exclaimed "that was bunt-tastic!". After a routine fly ball to the outfield,
Coach gives a stern but uplifting order of "go!" Catching the other team of meanies off guard,
Beth takes off for home and scores the winning run. Truly an uplifting story - except for that dirty
clown. I mean did you see that guys nuts? Creepy.Flashback to 1863 and Dodge City...Cowboy Bones Malone was then known as the fastest
gun in the west and was seemingly everywhere the law wasn't -- saloons, brothels, gambling houses,
bank robberies, brothels, train heists, brothels (I think you get the idea). Well in 2005, I give you
the All-Around Cowboy Tony "The Bone" Wagner, who may just be the fastest Wrangler in the west...
or at least WAKA. The Bone was everywhere last night in the field and at the plate. He even managed
to execute the extremely rare maneuver known as the "Phantom Bean Out". It's a play where the ball
makes contact with an opposing runner square in the back, thus producing both sound and redirection
of the ball and also leaving a mark, yet the runner claims to feel nothing. It truly is amazing to witness.
Tone also drove in the tying run in the 4th with a key double. Putting the "All-Around" back in
"All-Around Cowboy."Notable: A special hoot and holla to last night's pitchers -- B-Rad Simmons and CoCo Ried --
for setting a new team record by surrendering only 1 run over 5 innings. Vonda Shepard said
"One is the loneliest number." Well Vonda, not in WranglerNation!Back to you T-Dizzy!---------------------------------------Thanks, Tim.And for the Booby Bungler Award this week, we go with the unprecedented "girl from the other team"
this week, who actually fell down at home plate for no apparent reason. She was stepping backwards
to get in kicking position and plop! there she was on her bumski! It was as if she thought there was a
chair behind her, the way she sort of just accidentally sat down in the dirt there. Well, I for one have
been laughing at her expense ever since. Three cheers for "girl" though for her positive attitude about
the fall. She seemed unfazed. Maybe it happens to her a lot. I don't know.Overall, you kind of have to feel for those kicktator characters. I mean, they had a few star players
that kept them in the game, but otherwise they just weren't that good. I bet by the end of that game
they were feeling pretty much like that pinata we bashed the poo out of. Next week's game is at 6:30.
We have several options for a theme for next week, and we'll need to take a vote. Please send your
vote to me and I will tally accordingly and announce the winner by end of business tomorrow.Option 1: Cross dressers. You know the drill. Men dress like women.Women dress like men.
Option 2: Smurfs. Blue face paint, blue t-shirts, white hats (or white plastic bags on our heads
like on chef day)
Option 3: Swim team. Everyone wears goggles and swim caps. Boys wear their trunks, girls
wear their swimsuits over their clothes.Which is it??OK, gotta go. bye. The (wo)MAN is still trying to get me down.From the capitol of WranglerNation, this is T-momma signing off.(love you!)Thursday, June 02, 2005
Week 7: James Brown is NOT the Godfather of Kickball
Recap
Well, James Brown (our nemesis), I know you like to think your poo don't stink, BUT IT DOOOOOOO! (It double doo-doo) So what's up now, Mr.& Mrs. think you're bad-arse, think you're big time, think you're undefeated, think you have a clever name for your team and clever little nicknames for all your teammates, think you can complain to the ref and whine and moan, Dorks!
I'll tell you what's up: THE WRANGLERS ARE WHAT'S UP!!!
Before last night the team known as James Brown (more like James Brown's Poo, if you ask me) had won every game and I think they thought the toga-clad, seemingly silly Wranglers were no match for their inflated kickball egos. But we were, and actually I think we could have won the game had only a few more little things gone our way, like that disastrous and unexpected double play by 3rd-base jeans-wearer guy. It took me like 5 minutes before I really believed what had just happened. But, anyway, we had some nice hits, some big catches, and some big time infield outs. Don't they know you can't bunt down the 3rd base line when there's a force out at 3rd?
And then of course there was the nagging and endless chorus from their bench of "You can't do that!" and "boo-hoo!" Here's a little excerpt from that red-headed Bizz-nizzy who complained yappily and incessantly from the sideline: Excuse me, could you get out of our baseline? Excuse me, could you not step over the pitching strip? Excuse me, could you not "crash the infield"? (whatever the F that means.) Excuse me, could you watch the diagonal? (again: WTF?)
And here's a little excerpt from me: Excuse me, if you don't shut your trap I'm gonna pop a cap in your "ain't I sassy" ass.
Seriously, I almost had to put her on the night train, if you know what I mean. (Actually, I don't even know what I mean....so how could you possibly know what I mean? That whole 'night train' business was just a gratuitous James Brown song-title reference, but no one even knows that song, so it's probably one of the most Super Bad things I've ever said and I apologize.)
Fortunately, we've got Timmy "Whalebone" Whalen live via satellite from the Wranglers Home Office on Roscoe Street to give us the lowdown on the toga-down. Here's Tim:
----------------------------------------------------------
Say it Loud! We're the Wranglers and we're proud! And James Brown does not "feel good."
This week the Rusty once again goes to a very deserving pair - our pitchers. They've got soul, and they're super bad. I'm speaking of course about Dan "Ricky" Martin and Courtney "Big Foot" Reid who combined to pitch a stellar 2-run ballgame against the supposed top team in the league. They also played excellent defense, as evidenced by Marty's "bean-out" of Honest Abe Tally Guy who was trying to score (the ref originally said safe, but the runner admitted he got hit). Big Foot Reid got up-ah on the scene like a pitch machine in the 5th as she shut down JB in the crucial bottom half of the inning to preserve the tie. "Ricky" Martin was livin' la vida loca all night as he repeatedly crossed the pitchers stripe en route to two scoreless innings. And boy did he hear about it from that broad in yellow. Both were great the whole game - like sugar and spice, they were feelin nice!
To say that our fearless Captain T-Dix deserves the All-Around Cowgirl award this week would be an understatement. In the bottom of the 5th with the game on the line, she made what can only be described as super-stupendous diving drizzled in chocolate and topped with a cherry catch. Big Bird (JB's Captain) sent a screamin' rocket of a kick toward Tara that would've surely scored the game winning run. Rather than back down, T-Dizzy got all shizzy on that ball, sacrificed her body, and hung on for a diving catch. Papa's got a brand new bag, and that bag is an out! To say Big Bird was stunned is yet another understatement. Truly the game-saving play of the day.
Back to you, T-shnizzle with a drizzle....
------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks, Tim. You're money in the bank. You know that, don't you?
As for a booby bungler award, well, I think this person shall remain nameless. Suffice it to say that the pain he surely feels today on his bruised bum is punishment enough. It could happen to any of us and the best of us, so let's try not to giggle as we replay the visual in our minds and the way his legs just came WHOOOOP! out from underneath him as he crashed to the dirt below.
And for the Boss Hog.... Oh, alas, the Boss Hog. I'm so used to a field devoid of anything close to a candidate that I forget to even look anymore. Any news from the Blue Jumpsuit committee?
Oh rats! You'll never guess what this ninny (aka Yours Truly) just did! I went out and got a piping hot and delicious Italian sub sandwich to bring back to work and eat for my lunch, but then when I got back to my desk I got so excited about writing the Wrangler Recap that I plum forgot to eat it! Well, needless to say, it is neither piping hot nor, I daresay, delicious anymore and the lettuce is soggy. STUPID! IDIOT! MORON! NUMBSKULL! MORAL RELATIVIST!
Well....bygones. Onto more pressing matters.... Since next week is Michelle "Mmmmm-Bop" Dooley's birthday, we're going with.....wait for it.....BIRTHDAY PARTY THEME!!!
So that means we need party hats, noisemakers, goodie bags, balloons, cupcakes, party games i.e. Pin the Tail on the Donkey and Twister, and of course birthday spankings. Now, we also need some form of party entertainer, like a Ryan Swett Mullet Clown, a stripper, or a rodeo monkey. Think about it over the weekend and let me know how you choose to embody the theme this week or what you will contribute as far as party gear. It's a 7:15 game, so we'll have plenty of time to get ourselves ready.
That's all for today, kids. And remember, stay classy, Wranglers.
T-Dix.....OUT!
p.s. did you know that those stupid James Brown people said they were "a little disappointed" with our toga theme, as they said they thought our other themes were much better and this one was lame. You wanna see lame, James Brown??!! I'll show you lame!!! Come on over here and I'll show you lame!! I'll wrap this toga right round your fat head and I'll jab these safety pins in your eyes!!! Then we'll see who's lame!!!!
