Rusty's Wranglers Amateur Kickball Club

The Theme was "Beach Party", yet Mother Nature saw it a different way - "One Night in London" (cold and rainy). But rather than pack up their beach balls and cabana wear and head home in tears, Rusty's crew of Wranglers grabbed some fresh layers and dug into the sand like a 4 year old making a sand castle for battle as "Kokomo" blared on the beach boom box in the background. The opponent (besides Mother Nature), was the Burninators.

"Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you."
A few of the Burnsees even attempted to thwart the Wrangler spirit by arriving in costume. That costume consisted of a wig and some "alternate" colored clothing. Oooooo…..

"Bermuda, bahama come on pretty mama"
Well nothing...not the mud, the rain, the cold, the Burnsees and their rule book…nothing could thwart the Wrangler spirit on the way to a 13-5 victory.

"Key largo, montego baby why don’t we go"
Keyed by the Mullet Man, Ryan Swett, who was actually mullett-less (apparently they don't do well at the beach), The Wranglers managed to turn a tight 4-4 game into a laugher in the 4th inning when they put up an impressive 8 run rally all with 2 outs.

"Ooo I wanna take you down to kokomo"
Swett, who had already homered in the game, came up to bat with a runner on first.
"We’ll get there fast and then we’ll take it slow"
After a vicious foul ball, the Bunrsees gave the "walk" sign. Well, full mullettude then ensued as Swett literally refused to get intentionally walked.

"That’s where we wanna go"
He took the pitch from way outside, stayed behind the plate, and sent a rocket would go for a home run.
"Way down to kokomo"

Personally speaking, that's where I end my memory of last week's game. I remember hearing rumors about a huge melee that ensued as the Burnsees cried foul! And whined that Swett's move was against the revised rule 4.3.1 or some crap. I remember something about our fearless Cap, T-Dizzy, then standing up to defend the Wranglers only to be challenged to a duel by a puffed-up Kid Rock wannabe in a roid rage. Sensing the danger, Dulci "Black Dog" Dix broke free and ran out onto the diamond. She took her frustrations out on the kickball sending it to an early grave with a resounding POP! I think I remember something like that happening.

I for sure remember the Wrangler farm system stepping up as two rooks made huge impacts...Hammerin' Dave Smith (1-1, 3-R HR) and Alex "Bo Duke played by Jon" Schneider. "Bo" rose above a mean Cubs-induced buzz and poor footwear to hit a huge 3 run double with the bases loaded after Swett was intentionally walked and Cas then took first. (for once the rules worked for us).

I remember the stellar pitching by Josh McKnight who got the win and Dave "OZ" Osbourne who fought off a few rounds of shots to earn the save after McKnight left with a strained hammy.

For more on the game, I'll go over to special correspondent Joy "Da Smack" Hayes with a special report...

Greetings pals and gals,

I don't know if I really need to reiterate the madness that was last night's game against the F@#$itators. I do know that the turning point in that game can be defined in a meshing of intentional walking and the appearance of your friend and mine, Captain Tallsocks.

The fact that Captain Tallsocks showed up on the WAKA fields sober was an unsettling one, given the fact that Dooley and I chose this fateful evening to bust out the Corona Lights. More unsettling was his apparent memorization of all things WAKA, including rules on when and where Swetty McMullet can pound the everloving poop out of a ball. I don't know who's more abusive on the official WAKA kickball: Swett or Dulcie.

Captain Tallsocks was pretty adamant about the rules, even though mysteriously, as brought up by an astute associate, we already have played his team. Is he trying to break our stride? Is he trying to hold us down? Oh no...we've got to keep on moving. Either he's trying to eliminate our excellence from his future, or he's been reading Rusty's blog and knows I've been mocking him...if so, Welcome back, Captain Tallsocks!

So he and Katie totally broke up after his recitation of the rulebook, and I was going to pick up Katie's sloppy seconds (ain't my style), but I got distracted by our utter domination, also known as "Put that in your pipe and smoke it."

Fast forward to the Rail, where our friend Captain Tallsocks appears in the finest fashion I've seen this side of the Atlantic: tank top, shorts, and of course, tall socks. This day will live in infamy as the day unanimously decided as "Tallsocks for Boss Hogg president". I don't get it, I just don't get it, and I don't like it.

It kind of made me miss my boyfriend from way back at the beginning of the season who wore the sweet sweatpants (where has HE been all my life?). Fortunately, there's a new sheriff on the horizon: the complete dillhole from the F@#$itators who Cassie wanted to "kick in the jimmy", who reminded me of the bad guy in the Karate Kid movie (excellently played by Billy Zabka), who mysteriously also was working the tank top....did anyone else play in the rain yesterday, or was that just us? I wanted to give him a nickname like "Kickball Maverick" or "Kickball Iceman" since he reminded me of those sweaty volleyball players in Top Gun with the tank top and jeans, but I was shot down by Dana, Dooley and Katie. Dooley said we should call him the "Bicep Bouncer" after he so dickishly took over the mound and popped the ball off his biceps, but that didn't sing with me. Since he reminded me that I payed $74 to play in this league, I have to tell you guys that it has been worth every penny. In fact, yesterday's game was worth $37 at least. So to me, he's going to be Dick 74....man, I hope we play them again. If for no other reason than Swett's got a new number one fan, the guy who gushed on and on about how much he rocks....has he even seen you play WITH the mullet?

Well, as Forrest said, that's all I've got to say about that....

Thanks Joy. I'm sure I'm leaving out or missing a lot of other action, but above everything, I remember the Wrangler fortitude in the face of adversity. And that's what we need to take with us for tonight's game. We're embarking on a journey that is known as the WAKA playoffs. The kicks will be harder, the action more intense (and I'm sure the rules more enforced). Through all that crap, let's just remember to do it Wrangler style. I for one can't wait to see pregnant kickball nazis out there. Good times…good times.

Oh, and a special congratulations to Brad and Duff Simmons on the announcement that they're expecting a lil' wrangler in December.