We won! We won! Rejoice! Rejoice! And again I say: REJOICE!
Well, I can't really think of a better birthday present for Dooley Bops than a kickass kickball party
with a big fat W on top!! We did it for Dooley this week and we came up big. Not up quite as far
as that clown costume was riding Lubbers, but pretty darn far, I'd say.
And to think, that nice tender clown didn't even accept the $100 fee owed to him for donning that
suit. What a peach that Matthew "Nut-Hugger" Lubbers is! I mean, seriously, he really should
entertain at children's parties because I think he would be just wonderful and loving and I'm sure
he wouldn't even say the F word very much.
And speaking of kindness to children, I must say I have never been so proud of the Wranglers
as when we kicked off the "Wranglers Give Back to the Community Campaign" last night, handing
out balloons and candy to unsuspecting youngsters on the playground. I thought it was really nice
of Eileen to give those toddlers the oversized jaw breakers, and Dana really pitched in by showing
the wee ones how to suck helium from a balloon. And nary a one of those young lambs picking up
on the whole Stranger Danger in full effect. I guess it's true what they say: Kids are dumb.
Just kidding! They were all (mostly) with their parents and we asked the parents first if it was OK!!
But the little ones were surely jealous of Dooley and her pretty pretty party dress and pigtails.
Last night they all went to bed dreaming that someday they could have such a glorious party,
complete with Disney party hats, balloons, and a terribly scary looking clown.
But, now, let's go to Tim who's coming to us live via satellite from the Home Office on Roscoe
Street with the big awards for the week. Tim, over to you:
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The score was 2-1, so it's safe to say that runs were hard to come by last night. Hence, the Rusty
this week goes to Beth the Runner, played by Joy "Da Smack" Hayes and The Coach, played by
Dave "The O.Z." Osborne. In this wrangler version of an after-school special, Beth the Runner
was a girl down on her luck after losing a heated game of Twister at her friend Dooley's birthday
bash. She was also offered drugs by a sleazy and dirty adult clown who was at the party. Enter
Coach, who manages to pick up her spirits and restore her faith in mankind through various
calisthenics (mostly burpies) and games of badminton. The special ends with the big game. Beth
the Runner has made her way to third after executing a bunt so perfect that even Bunt-Cake
herself Katie Wheels exclaimed "that was bunt-tastic!". After a routine fly ball to the outfield,
Coach gives a stern but uplifting order of "go!" Catching the other team of meanies off guard,
Beth takes off for home and scores the winning run. Truly an uplifting story - except for that dirty
clown. I mean did you see that guys nuts? Creepy.
Flashback to 1863 and Dodge City...Cowboy Bones Malone was then known as the fastest
gun in the west and was seemingly everywhere the law wasn't -- saloons, brothels, gambling houses,
bank robberies, brothels, train heists, brothels (I think you get the idea). Well in 2005, I give you
the All-Around Cowboy Tony "The Bone" Wagner, who may just be the fastest Wrangler in the west...
or at least WAKA. The Bone was everywhere last night in the field and at the plate. He even managed
to execute the extremely rare maneuver known as the "Phantom Bean Out". It's a play where the ball
makes contact with an opposing runner square in the back, thus producing both sound and redirection
of the ball and also leaving a mark, yet the runner claims to feel nothing. It truly is amazing to witness.
Tone also drove in the tying run in the 4th with a key double. Putting the "All-Around" back in
"All-Around Cowboy."
Notable: A special hoot and holla to last night's pitchers -- B-Rad Simmons and CoCo Ried --
for setting a new team record by surrendering only 1 run over 5 innings. Vonda Shepard said
"One is the loneliest number." Well Vonda, not in WranglerNation!
Back to you T-Dizzy!
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Thanks, Tim.
And for the Booby Bungler Award this week, we go with the unprecedented "girl from the other team"
this week, who actually fell down at home plate for no apparent reason. She was stepping backwards
to get in kicking position and plop! there she was on her bumski! It was as if she thought there was a
chair behind her, the way she sort of just accidentally sat down in the dirt there. Well, I for one have
been laughing at her expense ever since. Three cheers for "girl" though for her positive attitude about
the fall. She seemed unfazed. Maybe it happens to her a lot. I don't know.
Overall, you kind of have to feel for those kicktator characters. I mean, they had a few star players
that kept them in the game, but otherwise they just weren't that good. I bet by the end of that game
they were feeling pretty much like that pinata we bashed the poo out of. Next week's game is at 6:30.
We have several options for a theme for next week, and we'll need to take a vote. Please send your
vote to me and I will tally accordingly and announce the winner by end of business tomorrow.
Option 1: Cross dressers. You know the drill. Men dress like women.Women dress like men.
Option 2: Smurfs. Blue face paint, blue t-shirts, white hats (or white plastic bags on our heads
like on chef day)
Option 3: Swim team. Everyone wears goggles and swim caps. Boys wear their trunks, girls
wear their swimsuits over their clothes.
Which is it??
OK, gotta go. bye. The (wo)MAN is still trying to get me down.
From the capitol of WranglerNation, this is T-momma signing off.
(love you!)
# posted by Rusty's Wranglers @ 9:42 AM
