Rusty's Wranglers Amateur Kickball Club

Wranglers:

I miss you already! You know, I can't smile without you. I can't laugh, and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything.

Oh, Wranglers: Well you came and gave without taking, and I need you today, oh, Wranglers!

It really is sad to come to work on Thursdays, knowing I've got a whole week to wait until the next Wrangler Wreunion, not having a theme for my work day that includes a silly costume and even sillier motivational phrases that match the theme that I can shout at my co-workers (i.e. Mount Up!). I just can't be myself unless I'm with you cats. Next Wednesday can't come too soon. But let's not think of the sad things, let's remember the happy times!! Here we go....

Well, Chef Night was a big hit with players and fans alike. We had quite a crowd gathered around by the end there, and many of those gathered had great words of support and encouragement for us, as well as compliments on another highly successful theme night. Several even said we were "the best." Now, I'm the first one to admit that their standards of "the best" are likely low, but nevertheless, it is nice to be recognized by the league as superior to the rest of the hosers we play against.

Although this one ended in a tie (3-3), we were clearly the better team, as they scored two of their runs on a series of ridiculous overthrows that had the ball flying all over Sam Hill and Tarnation, and had this captain paralyzed with irritable scowl syndrome! Let's get that ball to the pitcher, people!! And, of course, we don't need to rehash (although I'm about to) the very controversial ending of the game on account of the "No Backsies" call by the ump. No Backsies??!! WTF?! Now I know that kickball is technically a "playground" game, but this was taking it a bit far. I, for one, was immediately transported back to traumatic grade school experiences during recess like the time I fell off the jungle jim platform, slipping underneath the monkey bars and crashing onto the icy pavement below. I broke my glasses clear in half, but Mr. Huntley (the principal) fixed them with masking tape. It really is true about the last 3 letters of principal spelling "PAL." He also had jelly beans in his office. But also there was this one time on the playground (although not during school hours) that Oscar Guittierez bit my brother on the back and left these big hideous teeth marks in his back! It's true. It was very disturbing. But not as disturbing as hearing the words "No Backsies" to end the game we were THIS CLOSE to winning last night.

Well, a lesson learned: If you take an extra base on an overthrow, you are only allowed that one base, and if you run beyond it and are tagged, you are out. Even if you have made it "safely" to the next base, you are not safe! You are only safe on the ONE base you were allowed to advance to! In other words, if they overthrow trying to get you out, only take one base. It seems real dumb, but I guess we'll have to comply.

So, anyway, chalk it up to a tie against Feets of Fury. (More like Feets of Poo, if you ask me, though.)

Whoa, I've just gotten word that we've got Tim "The Whalebone" Whalen live via satellite from the Wranglers' Home Office on Roscoe Street. What's the word, Timmy?

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Well, T-Diz, here's the lowdown for the week: There's no question the "Rusty" has got to go to a Wrangler known simply as "The Mullet." In a few short games, he's already made a big name for himself all across WAKA and the greater Chicago area (rumors have him taking over for Mr. Six as the lead in all Great America commercials). The Mullet, aka Ryan Swett, BBQ'ed up a 2 for 2 night at the plate with a single and a double that drove in the game-tying run.

Plus, he invented a whole new concept in sports -- The Rally Noodle! And he cooked them himself! Rather than go with traditional spaghetti, Swett bucked the trend and used lasagna noodles because, quote: "They're stronger. You get a better wave out of them." SS Matt "Slippery Fingers" Lubbers described the invention as "tasty" while RF Cassie "Yahtzee!" Scott had this to say: "When I was on first in the 5th inning, and the entire team was waving rally noodles along the sideline, well, I almost lost it. I'm getting a tear in my eye just thinking about it." Well said Cas, well said.

Speaking of Lady Scott, she takes home the "All-Around Cowboy" award this week for her fleet feet on the base paths. Cas sautéed up a much needed single in the crucial 5th with some olive oil and paprika, and then managed to score the game-tying run from first base on The Mullet's double. She must've had some crisco on her shoes, 'cause she was greasy-fast on that play.

Other highlights: Michelle "Betty Crocker" Dooley's big single: "She did it for the muffins!" Not to mention the stellar catch at 2nd base prefaced with shouts of "I can catch it! I can catch it!" with her arms stretched up to the sky. She also gets a shout-out for her fabulous costuming, complete with prize check for the Pilsbury Bake-Off Contest and a whole tray of blueberry muffins. And the muffins! My God, the muffins!

All in all, a hot night in the kitchen for the Wranglers. We were really cooking with gas!!

Back to you in the studio, T-Dizzle.
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Thanks, Tim, that was a delicious summary. You made my mouth water with excitement.

Now for some additional awards: We actually have several Booby Bungler Awards for last night.

On Chef Night there was comedy to spare as Matthew "I'm so laid back I won't even try to catch the ball" Lubbers dropped a couple in the infield. I mean, I know it was a cooking theme, but the Swedish Chef impression would have been more appropriate for the sidelines. Fortunately, for one of those bobbles Dave "Beeker" Osborne was right behind Lub-a-Dub to pick up the slack, but UNfotunately he followed it up with a cream pie zinger right in the face of that chick who was running to third. Did anyone notice how she cried out all Scarlet O'Hara style? Do you think it really hurt or was she just being Gone With The Wind?

Big Bungle props go out as well to the Whalebone for the first-ever attempt at a "crotch bunt." When I shouted from the sidelines: "Do it like your wife!" I really just meant to bunt it, because, you know, Katie is the Bunt Cake... Everyone knows that! But Tim took the double-entendre to heart and actually used his crotch to bunt! It was revolutionary!! I think it went foul, but the effort will not be forgotten. (by the way, how's your hot dog?)

Actually, all this talk of bungles reminds me that I forgot to highlight last week's BB Award that should have been given to Rick "I take it in the kisser" Brands for getting canned right in the mouth by that girl's foul ball. That'll teach you stay alert behind home plate! But this week at catcher, Rick "Will Cook for Sex" Brands redeemed himself when he one-handed a seemingly in-slow-motion blooper just beyond home plate. I don't think that girl even realized she was out. BUT SHE WAS!!!! Rick, you put that hoochie on the grill and burned her ass up!

Well, that's about it for today, kids. I've spent almost the entire day fiddling with the Rusty's blog and writing this email, so it's time to do some actual work.

If anyone has any Boss Hog or Blue Jumpsuit candidate sightings from last night, let me know. I was too distracted by my cutie in his Billy Goat cap and oven mitts.

Next week is 80's Rock Star Night! The game is at 6:30 again....nice!

I love you, babies!!

And remember, Stay Classy!

Your devoted captain, Tara Dix