Thursday, April 28, 2005


Week 3 Recap



How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...
1) for being so cute
2) for dressing up like silly heads
3) for winning the game!!

Congratulations on the big “W” over team Yes We Can. (More like “No We Can’t [Go Poo]” if you ask me) They really were not all that good, aside from good fielding from their little mini second base girl who got some outs, and that God-forsaken pitcher! I swear I'm ready to go ape-shizzle on this speed-pitching Bologna. It's so annoying. Now, I know I'm preaching to the choir here on this one, kids, but it would be so much more fun (and the innings would move 10 times faster) if they would cut it out with this fastball Salami. (OK, I didn’t want to re-use the word Baloney, so I went for another encased meat product, and I realize now that it didn't make quite as much sense and I apologize for that.)

Someone pass me a sissy, cause I’m ready to slay him. In fact, I think I’m gonna bomb a town. Just kidding, those are lyrics from Michelle “She’s Un-Bull-ievable” Dooley’s psyche song: Mama Said Knock You Out. That’s what I’m listening to right now to get me psyched for writing the recap. I’m real sad that I didn’t have time to write it at work today. My boss is so mean. She never lets me write about kickball at work, which I happen to find oppressive. I think I need to give her a little “Welcome to the Tara-Dome” booty-whoopin.

But back to the game…. Maybe we were just so BIG TIME last night because we were really in our element with the whole RODEO NIGHT theme!! It let us express ourselves as real-life Wranglers, and that is essentially what we all reach for every day of our lives, right? So, I think that last night was really better than any number of therapy sessions or wilderness trips designed to discover “the inner Me,” because it was clear by the look in each and every one of your eyeballs that that “Real You” was standing right there on the kickball diamond.
For some of us that meant dressing up like a cowboy or cowgirl, a bull, or even a clown. And some of us, I think have always wanted to strap on a horse complete with reins and holsters using suspenders and a modified Velcro closure at the back. [Here’s a snippet from a brief interaction with a girl from another team: “Hey, where did you guys get those strap-on horses?” Katie: “Toys ‘R’ Us! They’re for kids!”]

And I mean, who am I to judge? I’m just glad you could express that with the group. There’s no judging here. We’re in the nest. The safety nest.

P.S.: Did anyone notice how Ryan’s clown costume was so small on him and was all cranked up in the critical middle parts? It was very Freudian.

Anyway, back to the game…. With the wind blowing straight in at you and that dingle-berry pitcher throwing fastie-bouncies, it was not too easy to get a foot on the ball. In fact, of the two times I made contact, one was with my shin and the other was with my thigh. We actually had some very irregular at-bats, with 2 strike-outs and a walk. Unprecedented!

Anyway, sometimes we kicked it and sometimes then other people kicked it, too, and so then those first people could run around the bases and score the runs. That was nice. Yeah, that was good. And then when they were up then we would get them out real good cause they couldn’t run so fast or nuthin’. That was even better. Yeah, that was great. It was nice.

Did you guys know that my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard? I was just curious.

Have I told you lately that you’re toxic? Because you are. (Intoxicate me now.)

Oh my God, I just digressed again. I promise to stay focused from now on! Here are the awards:

This week’s Rodeo Rusty goes to none other than Ryan “Mullet Clown” Swett. First of all, for the outfit, which was spectacular, and second, for running all over the outfield (and infield) like a maniac. Just because Ryan is actually assigned to Right Center does not mean that he will not run his arse off to try to catch a fly foul over 1st base. Nice work, Swett!

B-Rad “That’s right, my horse is white” Simmons is the big winner for the special edition Rodeo Cowboy Award. He scored 2 runs, which for those of you who are quantically-challenged, is two-thirds of our total. Where would we be without B-Rad? He’s big time. Honorable mention here goes to Courtney “CoCo” Reid, who in her season debut rode the full 8 seconds up at the plate in the critical 4th inning and drew the first walk in Wrangler history. That moved Cowboy Brad into scoring position for the eventual game-winner.

I think it’s time for BH to take a hiatus until a worthy candidate presents himself. I trust the Blue Jumpsuit Committee finds itself in a similar position. Although, in the immortal words of Queen: Fat Bottom Girls make the rockin’ world go ‘round.

Oh my God, Dave “Dirty Sanchez” Osborne just made pizza for me!! I better go eat it!! We have to pack up our whole apartment tonight on account of the moving truck getting here in the morning.

I hope Dave got me some dessert, too, or that boy might find himself on a highway to the danger zone. This Wrangler gets a little cranky when she doesn’t get her sugar cubes.

Drat! We haven’t decided on a theme for next week yet. Well, we’ll do that on Monday.
OK, Wranglers. Have a great weekend. And remember, Stay Classy!

I love your biscuits,
Cap’n T-Dizzy

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