Thursday, April 21, 2005


Week 2: Mimes and street performers galore!

Howdy Wranglers,

Well, it was again colder than a HOO-ha last night. Actually, I think it was even colder than last week, so I will go out on a limb and say it was a HOO-ha-HEE-haw. Why are we tormented by this Chicago spring that never wants to sprung? I mean, Tuesday it was hotter than Nairobi, and then the temperature falls like 30 degrees in 12 hours??!! WTF??!!

The team we played was called Ferocious, but if you ask me, it was more like Poo-ocious. [phonetical spelling: poo-oh-shush.] I don't think they should have beat us, because they were not that good.

We started off a little slow in the 1st, but I sort of think that always happens, mainly because it's hard to focus on the game when you've got a great costume on and you're feeling so giggly about all the silly people on your team. And then they got all those runs in the first inning, and that was super sad. The ball just kept flying all about and they just kept running and running.

But then we were all: "Come on, mimes and other street performers such as bucket drummers and break dancers (and also people you often encounter on the street such as M&M sellers and aggressive windshield washer people with squeegies), we can do it!!" And we came back in a flash. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! And then it was tied! And Dooley Bops was all: "Don't call it a comeback. I've been here for years!" And then Cassie was all: "Yeah!"

And then I was sitting out and having so much fun with little fatty ho-ho bulldog Layla that the rest gets a little fuzzy. Until the last inning when the ref said it would be the last one because it was too dark. And I said
BOOOO to the refs who only let us play 4 innings. We are not afraid of the dark. And then so it happened that they only needed to score one run to win the game and then they did and it was so sad but they did not have mime costumes so I was not that sad really.

Now, here's Tim, live via satelite from the Rustys Home Office, with our stats and awards for the week:

Note: The hustle award has been re-named the "All-Around Cowboy". Here's the official rodeo definition:
"All-around cowboy:" This term is the title given to the athlete who accumulates the most money in two or more events.
Well, in Wrangler-ville, this term will refer to a person who exhibits exceptional play and hustle on or off the field.

THE RUSTY: Look no further than our own fearless Captain T-Dizzy for this one. Not only was she a badass mime (who does the "trapped in a box" move better?), she also was out there to ref game 1 in conditions that Sir Edmund Hillary would call "unpleasant". We all owe her for taking care of that duty. Oh yeah, and she also went 2-2 with a run and RBI on the night. Nice work Cap!

ALL-AROUND COWBOY: Taking away that rough first, the whole team played pretty dang well. That being said, Dan "Ricky" Martin was livin' la vida loca last night and is this week's all-around cowboy. Making his rookie debut, Marty not only hit a solo HR, but he stepped up and filled in for injured pitcher Michelle Dooley and threw 4 strong innings. Faced with adversity, Marty stepped it up Wrangler-style. Special mention to fellow rookie Brad "Big Bomber" Simmons for hitting a HR and driving in 2 runs on the night.

And a special holla' to Michelle "Run DMC" Dooley on her street performer get-up. Not sure who exactly got to see her in action, but she was a break-dancin' fool complete with her own portable dance floor (a cardboard box with "Word to your Mama" written on it), the worm, and some major bling (including the use of black panty hose as a hat). Sadly, she was injured in the first inning which brought the street show to a halt, but as JJ Walker would say, it was Dy-no-mite!

Sadly, we haven't really had any plays that warrant a Booby Bungler Award just yet. But I think if we're patient, we'll come into our own on the accidental slapstick comedy front.

That's all for this week! Back to you in the studio, T-Diz!

Thanks, Tim. That was excellent and, I daresay, earth-shattering. And I don't mind admitting that that first bit got me a little choked up. (What is this salty discharge?)

That about wraps up our wrap up for this week, friends.

Next week is RODEO WEEK!! And I think our game is at 6:30.

I love you to bits. Every last one of you.
yo mama,
Cap'n T-Dizzy

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