Saturday, August 13, 2005


Wrangler Prom/Awards Banquet Recap

Well, as expected, the party was a big hit! The Wranglers mounted up in full prom regalia. I didn't know that orange tuxedoes actually existed, but we've got pictures to prove it.

Thanks to the smooth DJ mixes of Joy "DJ Smack" Hayes, puppy love was in the air as we reminisced about our high school prom dates...taking us back to those days of (moderate) innocence and subconsciously transferring those emotions to the current day, resulting in a lot of butt-grabbing and french kissing. Luckily, Principal Whalen was there to keep things somewhat tame.

Until the cops showed up! That's right, it seems that wherever the Wranglers go, the Po-Po are not far behind. But, as usual, the po-po quickly fell to the charms of the Wranglers (and in this case, the female cop seemed to REALLY fall for our host-with-the-most, Playboy Kevin Wheeler). When Kev came out of the house to talk to the coppers in his suit sans shirt and tussled hair, I'm afraid it was only a matter of seconds before she was putty in his hands and the police officers were leaving with a "Thanks, Mr. Wheeler!"

So, without furhter ado.....the awards!!

The Rustys
2nd Annual Award Ceremony for Outstanding Achievements in Kickball
August 12, 2005

Best Costume - Single game:
Michelle “Is that panty hose on your head?” Dooley’s breakdancer complete with a cardboard
Swetty Rodeo Clown
• Honorable mentions: Tone the Bone’s "Blow Me" Kleenex box, Tim “Sonny Crockett” Whalen, Dooley’s Birthday Girl, Swett on Chef Night w/ Rally Noodles

Costume that most interfered with quality of play:
Katie “Cowgirl Buntcake” Whalen and her trusty steed

Costume that should have interfered, but luckily did not on account of heads-up play:
Courtney “A fake pregnancy is no obstacle” Reid

Ugliest costumes:
Matthew “Sad Clown” Lubbers for the clown suit and the really tight jean shorts
• Honorable mention: Pregnant Dave

Most politically incorrect costume:
Dan “The Impregnator” Martin

Costume most likely to inspire politically incorrect comments from onlookers:
Dirty Dave “There sure are a lot of Mexicans in here!” Sanchez

Biggest booby bungler:
Katie “Hootie McBoob” Whalen and the off-the-jumblies pop-up into Claire’s waiting arms

Biggest perv:
Matthew “Oh, so now I’m the pervert?” Lubbers

Most money play (Best defensive play – single event): Tie!
Rick “Will Cook for Sex” Brands double play from the catcher spot
Tara “I always hated James Brown” Dix’s toga-clad diving catch to seal the tie against our nemesis

Best boot (best kick - single event):
Ryan “I refuse to be walked” Swett's intentional-walk-turned-home-run, which would set off a chain of events that will live in WAKA memory for ages: Cap’n T-Dizzy going head-to-head in a verbal exchange with the 3rd baseman, Dulci breaking loose and going ape-shizzle all over the ball and several of their fielders
• Honorable mentions: Lubbers home run and head-first slide in the first round of the playoffs, and Swetty’s RBI zinger to end the regional championship game

Best theme song:
Black Betty (nice choice, Swett)

Best nickname: Tie!
Michelle "The Michelle is Silent" Dooley
Cassie “Did You Know We’re Regional Champs?” Scott

Biggest skank: 3-way tie!
Kathleen “Ooops! I did it again and now I’m pregnant!” Simmons
Joy “Tongue” Hayes: For her hot pursuit of Captain Tallsocks and her 11th hour make-out with Lubbers
Dooley: For flirting with a girl as a defensive tactic while playing catcher

The Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughan Award for intimidating pitching:
Dan “Ricky” Martin, no explanation needed

Best Athletic Supporter:
Layla, Heather, and Brandi—all of whom traveled the country to support the Wranglers

Best show of open hostility toward other WAKA'ers:
TDiz - season achievement
Joy “Smack Yo Mama” Hayes for giving the stink eye at the bar and general orneriness
• Honorable mention: Dulci

Biggest twat (someone from another team):
Amber “Excuse me, could you not be such a twat?” James Brown girl
• Honorable mentions (there were so many to choose from!)
The "coach" of the KC team, No Backsies, Bicep Bouncer 3rd baseman on the f-tators team, Tight Sweatpants guy from game 1, Captain Tallsocks

Best Dance Move:
Eric "The Lean" McBride, the Most Dedicated Member of Wrangler Nation and also “Most likely to go for tacos with a Wrangler”

F.B.I. (Female Bikini Inspector) Award:
Ryan “Does He Like Keg Stands?” Swett

The Clear Blue Easy Award for creative costuming:
Penny “Positive” Straub

Most Dedicated Costumer: Barb Martin, who repeatedly wore her costumes in public (such as the L, etc.) most notably during Toga Night

Best late-season add ins:
Brad “Ryno” Simmons, aka Ryan “B-Rad” McLean
Robin “You’re dead in the water without me” Behre

The Billy Crystal Best Host Award:
Kevin "Wait til ya see the pool" Wheeler

Most likely to B’Dazzle something...anything: Dooley

The "Jazzy Jeff" DJ Award: Joy “I’m the DJ and the rapper?” Hayes

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation Award for Philanthropy:
Dana “Hey, kid, do you want some candy?” Duman at Wranglers Give Back to the Community night

The Prestigious Award for Outstanding Acheivement in Counry Bumpkin Games like “Pens” that was really supposed to be “Spoons” but we didn’t have any spoons:
Eileen “I am from New York and I hate this f-ing country bumpkin game” Lovett

Most Likely to Date a Motorcycle Cop: Cassie “Could you just drive me to my R.V.?” Scott

Best Midnight Cowboy Dive: Tim “YEEEEE-HAWWWW!” Whalen

The "My Boys Can Swim like Michael Phelps" Award:
Brad “Big Daddy” Simmons

Most Likely to Get Pulled Over While Driving an RV:
Tim “How fast was I going, Officer?” Whalen

Most likely to get on a jumbotron: Sparkle-Pants Dooley

"MVP - Most Valuable Passport" Award: Rick Brands (both Swett and Mark used this thing!)

Best Flipcupper: Mark "I’m not that kind of Doctor" Frasier
Worst Flipcupper: The Clown

Most realistic pregnant belly: Why Duff of course! (Hon. Mention to Dooley for "Hooters Mom")

Best Comically-Big Hands: Mark "Tootie" Frasier

Worst Keg Stand: Tim "The Grand-Gina" Whalen

Silent Assassin (Someone the other team never saw coming):
Joy “I’ll show you the 3rd out” Hayes

Most likely to listen to the "at work network" while at work: Tone the Bone
Most likely to crap their pants: Tim Whalen
Most likely to be buried in a WAKA coffin: T. Dix
Most likely to wear pink pants: Josh McKnight
Most likely to sing in the shower: Dave Osborne

Best Potential Corporate Sponsors for next season: Boy Scouts of America, American Airlines, or Culver's (they already carry the kickballs)

Most Likely to get a cavity search (and I don’t mean her teeth) from airport security:
Katie “You mean I can’t carry on 6 metal cap guns?” Whalen

The Darryl Strawberry Award for Outstanding Play While Hammered:
Dave “Go Cubs!” Osborne (for pitching a scoreless inning) and his pal Alex who kicked it really hard but lost his shoe

Most likely to say “Freakish” 100 times in the next minute:
Joy “Let’s Call a Spade a Spade” Hayes

Life-time (season-long) achievement awards:

Mr. & Mrs. Costume (Best Costumes - Season achievement award):
Michelle “I make costumes like it’s my job” Dooley &
Ryan “Dirty sweaty mullet man” Swett

All-Around Cowboy (Charlie Hustle): 3-way tie!!
Josh “Hasselhoff” McKnightrider - bad leg and all, pegging guys on foul balls
Tony “150 pounds of adrenaline” Wagner
Ryan “The mullet makes me run faster” Swett

All-Around Cowgirls (Charlene Hustle):
Tara “I can’t think of a good nickname for myself” Dix &
Cassie “Did you know I’m #1 in hits?” Scott

MVP- Offense:
Matthew “I’m a Lubber not a Fighter” Lubbers

MVP- Defense: Tie!
Rick “Catcher” Brands & Dan “Pitcher” Martin

The Rusty (MVP): The whole Gosh-Darn Team!!!!!

Then we crowned the Prom King & Queen:
Ryan Swett & Michelle Dooley

There was not a dry eye in the house when they danced that first dance to Total Eclipse of the Heart. I know that my heart was totally eclipsed. Was yours?

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